worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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