Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
