Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
