Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
