Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
