I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
