I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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