found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
