Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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