At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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