would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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