I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
