are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
