I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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