i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
