I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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