If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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