I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
