so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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