My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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