I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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