I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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