u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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