Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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