I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
