great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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