Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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