i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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