I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
