Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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