moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
