so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My dick has a subreddit
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
