You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
