sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
