my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
