I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
