dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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