so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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