Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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