I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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