I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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