so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
