btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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