I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
