Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
