i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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