stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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