there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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