I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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