Non-Jews are for practice
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
sex in a hospital.. check
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just gargled with NyQuil
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
