Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
