I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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