So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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