So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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