that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
