Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize