Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
