I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
