So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I currently don't understand fingers.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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