Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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